I am puke
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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