How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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