Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize