What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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