I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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