WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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