did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize