Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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