Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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