He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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