Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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