So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just forgot I was standing up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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