3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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