I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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