she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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