We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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