Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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