Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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