I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
farters have to be the big spoon...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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