I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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