A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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