shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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