this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize