I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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