"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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