I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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