omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize