Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you win again, gameday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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