Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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