Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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