Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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