You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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