if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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