He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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