Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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