Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize