the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize