It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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