yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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