I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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