my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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