seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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