he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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