i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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