if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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