I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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