Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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