I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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