Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm like, not good at living.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize