why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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